


Perfect Timing

by ghosttt377



Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Anorexia, Bulimia, Eating Disorders, Explicit Language, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Graphic Description, Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Mild Blood, Saimami, Self-Harm, Vomiting, amasai
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-12
Updated: 2020-12-12
Packaged: 2021-03-10 22:55:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,681
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28025076
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ghosttt377/pseuds/ghosttt377
Summary: HEAVY CONTENT WARNING!!!!! Please read the tags carefully. There is a very graphic description of a character forcing themselves to throw up, so if that triggers you, don't read this!!When Rantaro breaks after a bad day, Shuichi is there to help him through it.
Relationships: Amami Rantaro/Saihara Shuichi
Kudos: 39





	Perfect Timing

**Author's Note:**

> Warning: this content may be very triggering to some readers. Proceed with caution. I may or may not be projecting here but hey, this is how I cope.
> 
> “Hey, can-” Rantaro paused for a second, thinking over the question he was about to ask. “Can you stay with me? Just for the night?” Shuichi nodded, locking the dorm door and walking back over to the bed.  
> “Of course I can. I’ll stay for as long as you need.” He looked at the boy in front of him for a moment, staring into his eyes. He thought for a moment, then placed a kiss on his forehead. He shot up and backed away, blushing furiously, mostly from embarrassment. “Oh my goodness, I’m so sorry! I didn’t mean to, I was just caught up in the-” his rambling was stopped by a thin, warm hand on his cheek.

Rantaro stared at himself in the mirror. He lifted his shirt and traced his ribs with his finger. Some days, he felt like the prettiest person in the world. Today was not one of them. His eyes were dark and sunken. He wondered if, at this moment, someone could tell the difference between him and a corpse. If he couldn’t feel his own pulse, he might have struggled with the distinction as well. He placed both hands on his cheeks and pinched. 

'Fat,' he thought. 'All I can feel is fat.' He lowered his hands to his hips and pinched again. He was barely able to get a grip this time, but the centimeter of skin between his fingers was enough to make him believe that he was overweight. His medical records disagreed, showing that he was dangerously skinny for his height. Rantaro placed his head in his hands and sighed before placing a blanket back over his mirror. He refused to look at himself on days like this, and the blanket was the best solution he could come up with.  


His phone buzzed on his bed. He sauntered over to it and picked it up, desperately wanting to ignore it and crawl back under the covers, staring at the black screen for what felt like hours. Eventually, he clicked his phone on and saw Shuichi’s name at the top, causing his stomach to flutter with adoration and anxiety. He tapped on the message and froze.  


Shumai <3: hey i thought we were meeting up in the library 

Shumai <3: i dont see u anywhere tho  


He chuckled at Shuichi’s awful typing, then sighed again. He couldn’t. Not today. He thought for a moment before typing out his response.  


Rantaro: Sorry, Shumai, I really don’t feel well today. Maybe tomorrow?  


He barely had time to set down his phone before it buzzed again.  


Shumai <3: aw i wish u told me sooner 

Shumai <3: if u want i can bring u some tea or soup or something 

Shumai <3: it might make u feel a little better  


He didn’t want to think about food, and he especially didn’t want his crush to see him like this. Some part of him really, really wanted the company, but he refused to indulge that thought. Shuichi couldn’t come at a time like this.  


Rantaro: I’m not really hungry, but if you’re still up for it, you can come by after dinner.  


Shuichi seemed satisfied with that answer, as he replied immediately.  


Shumai <3: sure thing lmk if u need anything  


'Good,' he thought. Based on the response, he managed to buy himself a few hours. He stood by his bed for a few moments before deciding to return to the mirror. He pulled the blanket off and let it fall to the floor. It took several minutes before Rantaro could actually lift his gaze and meet his own dead eyes in his reflection. He pulled his shirt off completely and studied his body more, this time focusing on the scars that littered his skin, the only blank space being from his fingertips to his elbows to act as a buffer and ensure that nobody, especially Shuichi, ever found out. His eyes fell on the newest ones, the ones that hadn’t even had the chance to scar over.  


'I’m such a fucking disappointment. I’m weak and I deserve this.'  


For the most part, Rantaro hurt himself as a release. Though, deep down, he hoped the thick layer of scars might fill out his clothes just enough that no one would notice his ever-thinning frame. It was an ugly, painful addiction, but he had himself convinced that, for the time being, it was better than death. Not to say he had never considered taking his life, but now was just a bad time. He didn’t want to hurt Shuichi. He allowed himself to shed a single tear before pulling his shirt back on and recovering the mirror.  


His stomach rumbled in hunger, causing him to look at the clock. '3:30, damn.' After doing some math in his head, he realized he hadn’t had any calories in over 70 hours. He decided to risk sneaking to the kitchen for something to keep him from collapsing when Shuichi came over later. He spent a few moments pondering what he wanted to lessen the time he needed to spend out of his room, ultimately deciding on an energy drink. He drank most of his calories these days anyway, and the buzz that came from the caffeine helped distract him. Once he made up his mind, he opened his door and stepped into the hallway. Luckily for him, he was the only one out and about. They must all be studying or hanging out with each other. He walked briskly to the kitchen, surveying the area before entering. It was empty. His timing couldn’t have been more perfect. Of course nobody would be in the kitchen at this hour. Still, he tried to make his trip quick. He swung the fridge open and selected his drug of choice: a neon orange can that was bigger than his head. He attempted to sprint back to his room, but his vision began to darken, so he opted to walk the rest of the way there.  


Somehow, he made it back to his dorm unseen. Rantaro didn’t know why he was so worried about being spotted, maybe it was because a part of him didn’t want people to know he needed to eat. Once his door was shut and locked, he cracked open the drink and downed half of it in 30 seconds. He took a minute to breathe, disgusting with how depraved and animalistic his thirst was. After a while, the hunger pains stopped hurting, but he was always thirsty no matter what. He sipped slowly on the second half of the sugary drink over the next few minutes. Once he was finished with that, he set a timer for ten minutes and sat down. His anxiety was always high after consuming any sort of calories. He decided the best way to handle that was to force himself to wait ten minutes after drinking anything other than water before he allowed himself to purge it. That gave his body plenty of time to absorb at least some of the calories. He decided to spend his ten minutes today in his bed, resting his eyes.  


Rantaro opened his eyes and shot straight up in his bed. He looked over at the clock, which showed that 3 hours had passed. 'Fuck! Why did I let myself fall asleep,' he panicked. He raced to this bathroom and immediately started trying to empty his stomach. Tears streamed down his face as he shoved a plastic spoon down his throat. He’d been doing this for so long that his fingers didn’t work for this anymore. He choked, but nothing came out. “Come on!” He kept forcing the spoon against the back of his throat until he eventually vomited. He kept vomiting for what seemed like hours, but in reality was only 15 minutes. Eventually, the muscle spasms and crying caused him to fall to the floor, dizzy and shaking. He choked on his sobs, sending him into a coughing fit. His whole body itched in desperation. The purging wasn’t enough, he needed to release more. He crawled over to the sink and grabbed a blade from the cabinet underneath. He scooted back and resituated himself by the toilet, his back pressing against the shower door. He took rapid breaths and willed himself to press it against his skin. He ignored the blank space he was saving to hide his addiction, he needed relief now. As he took a deep breath, there was a knock at his door. 'Fuck. Who’s here and why did they have to come now of all times??' he thought.  


“Hey, Rantaro. I brought you something to eat.” Shit. Shuichi. Rantaro forgot that he invited the boy over. He wanted to stay quiet, hoping Shuichi would assume he was sleeping and go away, but the pain in his arms caused him to yelp. Loudly. “Rantaro? Are you okay in there?” Rantaro realized he forgot to lock his dorm door, so he kicked the bathroom door shut and inched himself to the handle, latching it before Shuichi could have the same realization. He had already been caught, but he absolutely could not let Shuichi look at him. Not like this.  


“Go away! Please! Just leave!” Rantaro choked out between strangled breaths. He let out a deep, guttural sob. Shuichi beat on the door a few more times before he thought to try the handle. Rantaro heard his bedroom door swing open and slam against the wall behind it and whispered a silent ‘thank fuck’ for remembering to lock the bathroom door.  


“Rantaro? Rantaro where are you?!” Shuichi sounded panicked. Rantaro hated himself for putting the boy he loved through this. Shuichi choked on the scent of vomit plaguing the air and glanced around the room, taking in the piles of laundry and empty energy drink cans before his eyes settled on the closed bathroom door. He rushed over, trying the handle first this time, disappointed that it didn’t open like the bedroom door had. He started beating on the door. “Rantaro, are you in there?” Rantaro barely choked out a response, his whole body aching with exhaustion.  


“Shuichi, don’t come in. Please,” he begged. “You need to leave.” Shuichi’s stomach dropped at the sound of his voice. He sounded like he was in so much pain.  


“I’m not going anywhere. Let me in.” He placed his hand against the door, hoping Rantaro would somehow sense his gesture of empathy through the inch-thick wood.  


“You don’t need to see me like this,” Rantaro cried out.  


“I promise I won’t judge you, but you sound like you’re in pain. Are you hurt?” Rantaro didn’t answer. “You need to let me know if you’re hurt so I can help you.”  


“No, just leave me.” That answer told Shuichi everything he needed to know. He stood up, tried the doorknob one last time, then slammed his entire body weight against the door. The smack of his shoulder against the wood sent a loud thud echoing through the room. He tried two more times before Rantaro spoke again.  


“Stop, you’re gonna hurt yourself!” he pleaded. No matter how much he wanted to stay locked in the bathroom, how much he wanted to be forgotten, he couldn’t risk letting Shuichi get injured because of him. “Back up and I’ll unlock the door.” He stretched his leg out as far as he could and turned the handle with the weight of his foot, which caused the door to unlatch as his leg smacked the ground. He scooted back just in time for Shuichi to come barging in.  


“Oh fuck.” The stench of vomit had increased tenfold, mixing with a new scent: blood. This room was obviously the source. Shuichi looked down, analyzing the sight in front of him: The toilet filled with vomit, Rantaro slouched on the floor, his shirt soaked in sweat and blood pooling around him. He nearly gagged, but pushed the bile back down his throat. He needed to help Rantaro as fast as he could.  


“I’m so sorry, Shuichi,” Rantaro sobbed. “Fuck, I’m sorry!” Shuichi’s heart shattered.  


“You don’t have to apologize, Taro, I swear. Do you have any bandages?” Rantaro nodded and gestured to the cabinet he pulled the blade from. Shuichi began rapidly rifling through the cabinet until his hand landed on a box of gauze. “Hang in there. I’ve got you now.” He slid around to face the boy behind him. “Where is the bleeding coming from? Can I see?” Rantaro hesitated, then nodded. He squeezed his eyes tightly shut so he didn’t see Shuichi’s reaction and held his arms out. While he heard the involuntary gasp Shuichi let out, he didn’t see the tears rolling down his cheeks. “Oh, Taro, what did you do?” Shuichi’s gentle, yet concerned words caused Rantaro to sob even harder. “That’s okay, you don’t have to tell me right now. I need to bandage it, is it okay if I touch you?”  


Rantaro nodded and placed his arm in Shuichi’s hands. He had always wanted to be held by Shuichi, even hoped he could, but he never once imagined that this is the scenario it would happen in. Shuichi observed the arm outstretched in front of him. The wounds were deep, but not unmanageable. He couldn’t help but notice the fine layer of hair that coated his arms, as well as the rest of his body. He pressed a piece of gauze over Rantaro’s wounds, causing him to yelp.  


“I’m so sorry, oh my gosh! I’ll be more careful!” Shuichi placed a warm hand against his friend’s cheek in an attempt to comfort him. “It’s going to sting, are you ready?” Rantaro nodded, bracing himself against the wall behind him. Shuichi spent the next hour tending to his injuries. Once his wounds were bandaged, he helped Rantaro change his clothes and brush his teeth, wiped his face with a wet cloth, and propped him up in his bed.  


“I know you’re probably not very hungry right now, but-” Shuichi paused and reached behind his back. He turned around, brandishing a small cup of tea.”-here. You need to drink something. Or I can get you some water if that’s what you prefer.” Rantaro shook his head and turned away from Shuichi. “Please, you need to hydrate. Especially after throwing up that much. Here, I’ll get you some water instead.” Shuichi rushed across the room to the bathroom, returning shortly with a cup of water. “Here. Drink.” He held Rantaro’s hand while he sipped slowly from the cup. Once the water was all gone, he helped the green-haired boy lay down. “Get some rest, okay? I’ll check on you in the morning.” Shuichi approached the door, but was interrupted before he could leave.  


“Hey, can-” Rantaro paused for a second, thinking over the question he was about to ask. “Can you stay with me? Just for the night?” Shuichi nodded, locking the dorm door and walking back over to the bed.  


“Of course I can. I’ll stay for as long as you need.” He looked at the boy in front of him for a moment, staring into his eyes. He thought for a moment, then placed a kiss on his forehead. He shot up and backed away, blushing furiously, mostly from embarrassment. “Oh my goodness, I’m so sorry! I didn’t mean to, I was just caught up in the-” his rambling was stopped by a thin, warm hand on his cheek. Rantaro searched for the words for a moment, coming up with nothing. So instead, he pulled the blue-haired boy in and kissed him. Their lips stayed pressed against each other for a few moments before parting again. The blue-haired boy backed up, blushing even harder than before, while the boy in the bed chuckled, also blushing.  


“Thank you for all of this,” he spoke. “I really am sorry, though. I’m sorry I put you through all of this. You shouldn’t have had to deal with this.”  


“Once again, you really don’t have to apologize. I’m just glad you’re okay for now. We can talk about it in the morning if you’d like, or we can wait until you’re ready. Either way, you should get some rest.” He kissed the top of Rantaro’s head one last time before making his way over to the bathroom, planning to clean while he slept.  


Once everything was finally cleaned up, he grabbed a pillow from the closet and laid down on the floor. He was almost certain that Rantaro was asleep at this point. Almost, until his phone buzzed.  


Taro <3: You can join me up here if the floor is too uncomfortable  


He chuckled at Rantaro's formal typing, then smiled to himself. Maybe he would take him up on that offer.

**Author's Note:**

> Hi, this is the first DR fic I've ever written and finished. If you liked it, lmk and I may post some more. I've seen tons of Amasai/Saimami angst on here, but usually Rantaro is the one comforting Shuichi, so I wanted to switch it up a bit.


End file.
